Ron escorted me back to
the boat where I was to meet my new crew of nine– Captain, First Mate, Bosun,
Deckhand, Engineer, Chef, Chief Stewardess (me), Second Stewardess and Third
Stewardess.
The First Mate is from
Australia and ironically is shaped just like a kangaroo; big and bottom-heavy, large
flabby sack in front, hands frequently in pockets, long feet, and constantly
almost getting run over by cars. That is to say, poor Aiden is vexed with
intolerable gout, and is thus hindered in both speed and mobility. He is older,
blonde, kind and unconfrontational, and has absolutely NO crazy in him, unlike
his Aussie brethren. He loves his wife and goes home every night when we are without
guests. Unfortunately however, Aiden has joined us after a somewhat relaxed
career in yachting, and is not accustomed to the fast-paced, anally retentive,
pedantically perfect requirements of high-end charter vessels. In my opinion,
boy don’t cut the mustard. In Ava's opinion (my number two), he is like a blonde Fred Flintstone'.
Jonah the Bosun is also
from that general quarter of the Earth. He is tall, built like an Olympic swimmer,
and is a pathological liar by his own admittance. His humour is dry and quirky
and I think that he has made me laugh at least five times. Out of all the boys,
Jonah probably has the best idea of what working on a charter boat requires,
but he would be doing all the extra bits alone were he to attempt it. So he
keeps quiet, does his job and fills the rest of the time telling lies for his
own amusement.
Peter is the junior
deckhand and is as green as grass. It’s his first season in yachting and he has
had the (mis)fortune of landing his arse on The Joke Boat. Petey, like Eddie the Pooh,
is also a space invader deluxe, and fancies little more than a good ol’ cuddle
from the girls. Of course, I never oblige. He works hard, is enthusiastic, and
never complains, up until he’s just bloody had enough and then that’s that. He
likes a party and a tipple, fancy rags and a young girl. We like to call him
Pedo Pete, just to piss him off, which on some occasions has been enough to get
him to leave the room...